Throwback Thursday

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Reading through old blogs is like getting a letter from past me. It’s simultaneously heartbreaking and full of hope.

Today, I’m going back to New York – but only in my mind.

Sometimes I think about living there and I swell with panic. I remember endless climbs from the subway carrying my two-year-old and a stroller. I remember the loneliness. I remember the disillusionment. I remember the bitter cold and the blistering heat.

Sometimes, though, I remember the pizza from 5th Avenue or the bagels from 9th. The picnics in Prospect Park and all the trees we climbed. The local bar, Rhythm & Booze, where I took my kid for dinner before it got too rowdy, where we waited out storms and we got midnight fries. The time I saw THE NUTCRACKER and had a martini at the Plaza. The time I was in the same room as Daniel Radcliffe.

Then I remember the most important part of all.

That I did it even though it terrified me, and if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be where I am or who I am now. And none of it has been perfect, or easy, but it was right. And thank God it’s sunny here, that the flowers are blooming, and I have a pool – that I haven’t, and won’t, ever go backwards.

#TBT to this message from past me, and all the grace carrying each and every one of us through.

“There is a moment in the midst of the waiting, and crying — a moment in between public outbursts of anger and private laughter over pizza — that you realize the grace is holding. And it’s holding you. It’s holding your baby when he sleeps in his new bedroom. It’s holding the dog when he finds a spot on the floor in your empty house and takes a nap. It’s holding your parents and brothers and all those at home that you miss and miss you. It’s holding. The bottom hasn’t fallen out of your world. You’re just in a new world.”

What’s up Wednesday from New York City

RobotWUWWhat’s Up Wednesday is a weekly meme geared toward readers and writers, allowing us to touch base with blog friends and let them know what’s up. Should you wish to join us, you will find the link widget at the bottom of Jaime or Erin’s blog.

What I’m Reading

I am jumping around between a few books right now. I don’t normally do that, but this summer I am suffering from reader commitment phobia. Still reading If I Stay, but because it’s on my Kindle app I am being slow. I started Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by April Genevieve Tucholke on the airplane, and I am really into it.

What I’m Writing

Yesterday morning I put together a detailed revision plan for my manuscript Of Blood and Promises. It is the most detailed plan I’ve ever come up with for a manuscript, which seems significant. This summer has meant less writing time for me, and also writing time focused on a screenplay, and when I got notes on this manuscript (they are from an agent I’ve been working with) as grateful as I was for the opportunity to revise, I found myself demotivated.

Rather than ignore my feelings, I took a break, letting the feedback sit for a bit — letting everything sit for a bit. I think it was the right move, and I’m excited. BUT…I am still working on the screenplay. The last few times I’ve revised my manuscripts I stopped all progress on the screenplay, and while I don’t have as much writing time right now, I am going to try.

What Inspires Me

New York City. I lived in Brooklyn for two years. It has been 15 months since I came to the City last. We’re here for a week, and while my husband works during the day, I am visiting old friends, fighting with public transportation, feeling the energy of the city, and wandering through quiet places in Prospect Park.

Our departure from New York was a break-up, and at the time we were happy to say goodbye. Being back here, seeing this place on my own, at this point in life, as this person, is a surprising gift full of reflection, grounded in inspiration.

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What Else I’m Up To

See above. And since I didn’t get to do my update for Ready. Set. Write! on Monday, here are my goals for the week:

1. Enjoy this moment.

2. Think about writing.

3. Be in love with my characters. Be in love with this city. Be in love with my husband.

Happy Wednesday!

What’s Up Wednesday

whats up wednesdayWhat’s up Wednesday is a weekly meme geared toward readers and writers, allowing us to touch base with blog friends and let them know what’s up. Should you wish to join us, you will find the link widget at the bottom of this post. We really hope you will take part.

This is my first time taking part in this blog-hop, but I’ve been wanting to for a few weeks. So, yay for today!

What I’m Reading

I just finished Imaginary Girls by Nova Ren Suma. I’m taking a workshop with Nova, and hadn’t read this book yet. I highly recommend it if you are looking for something truly unique with heartbreaking narrative. Also, Nova is the bees knees. I just started reading Fuse by Julianna Baggott. Fuse is the second of the Pure trilogy. Julianna is a phenomenal, hardworking mother and writer, who’s prolific and unbound by genre. I firmly believe Pure will be an important series to reference in the coming years. I’m also reading pages from classmates books they are workshopping in Nova’s class. The talent is astounding.

What I’m Writing

I just finished a massive revision on my MS and sent it to a couple readers, and an author friend, for feedback. After every revision I hope to be done, and by done I mean, ready to submit it for publication. I am optimistic, yet not expectant. We aren’t done with our manuscripts until our editor says so, and it’s in copyediting, and that readiness is decided by many different factors. I am mulling what to work on in the interim period. Part of me wants to work on a new project, and part of me wants to get a massage. We’ll see which part wins out.

What Inspires Me

My fellow writers. Writers are readers, and readers are people who never grow up.

The color of my son’s eyes.

Cobalt blue
Cobalt blue

True family stories, full of character arcs that astound.

trust_your_struggle

What Else I’ve Been Up To

I went to NYC last week, which I wrote about on my blog briefly. It was a bit of a whirlwind. If you do not follow me on Twitters (which you can do with the scroll to you right) I posted a pic of me being supercool when I met Lauren Graham.

Random House Open House. Me and Lauren Graham.
Random House Open House. Me and Lauren Graham.

Can you see how cool I’m being?

My son is on the last leg of potty training. Life without wiping someone else’s ass is a miracle. The end.

I’m exercising. I hate it, like most people, but I believe I will love not feeling like a marshmallow anymore. I am already seeing results, mainly in my face. I haven’t done any face exercises, so this is a bit of a bummer.

Happy Wednesday!